Wait
by SilverSnowflake9798
Summary: I never planned on staying that long. I knew it was dangerous. I knew I couldn't put everyone at risk for my own sake. But I was caught. They dragged me into their trap. Until I made the most terrible mistake I could ever make. I became afraid of losing them.


**This is my idea of what happened before and how Raven joined the Teen titans before TT VS JL movie. Possibly some Damian and Raven at the end, but if I do there won't be much. Can easily be friendship or ship if you want. They only have a ten month age difference in this story since that was what I thought when I first saw the movie and have continued to interpret it this way. Probably wrong but I'm used to writing this way by now.**

"When I summoned my father, I wasn't really thinking. All I cared about was meeting the man known as my father. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk to the man partially responsible for making me.

But my father wasn't a man. And he had no interest in talking.

I remember that he smiled at me- if you can call what he did a smile. The joy that came from his smile was different than any other kind of joy I'd felt in a person. It wasn't good. It wasn't pure. It was just like a fire, bright and terrible and filled with a heat that would stop at nothing no matter how you begged.

Then the real fire came.

I don't like looking back on that day. The day that my first life ended. But I force myself to. Because if I don't, I will forget. And I don't want to forget. I do not have the right to forget. At the very lease I can honour those who were lost by continuing to remember what happened. So I make sure that it never happens again.

So I remember.

I remember watching the men and women who protected me screaming in terror.

I remember listening to the loud roar of the wave of destruction that showered my home.

I remember feeling the tears that had poured down my face as I saw my mother for the last time.

I remember it all.

Yet my judgement still must have been terrible.

Because despite it all, despite the life that he had taken from me and the loved ones I had lost…

I still followed him.

My father brought me to his hellish universe. He introduced me to my brothers that were as terrible as he was. He showed me his world full of horrors that I don't want to repeat. Even to you. And the worst part? He made me believe that his kingdom of horrors was the only place I could ever belong.

Despite it all, I convinced myself to stay. I wanted to know my father. Some foolish voice in my head still believed that despite him being a monster he must have had some goodness in him. I clung to the hope that because he was my father he must have had a soul. I wanted a father. I wanted to be loved by him, no matter how terrifying he was. I wanted the story that fathers were supposed to love their daughters to be true. I thought that fathers were supposed to listen to their daughters.

I thought that fathers were supposed to love.

I loved him.

Some sick, demented part of me wanted him to love me back.

He would listen right?

Wouldn't he listen to me?

Fathers are supposed to protect their daughters, right?

To listen to them?

I only realized to late the truth. That fathers didn't always listen.

And they didn't always love.

How foolish I was to believe that blood was enough to make a family.

I don't know how long I stayed there before I finally gave up. I must have been ten…maybe eleven before I realized that I couldn't stay. Whether it was out of despair of the loss of my true family, the loss of the dream of the family that I could have had or simply the horror that came from the realization that my entire being, my destiny was to be nothing more than a gateway for my father to destroy another world like he did my own, I'm not sure. But on the day my father tried to use me to open the portal to earth, I knew it was time. Father must have expected some resistance on my part. I'd been there long enough for him to expect it from me. He must have assumed I still wasn't strong enough to trap him. But dear father underestimated the teachings of the monks of Azareth.

My father underestimated my power.

I'll admit it was harder to seal my father away than I'd have liked. He's not known as an all-powerful, interdimensional demon for nothing. Well, not all powerful. I did manage to trap him. For the time anyway. Despite the exhaustion I felt and the overall shock that I'd actually succeeded in my mission, I was relieved. Relieved that he was gone, that I'd actually done something right in my messed up life.

Suffice to say, my brothers weren't nearly as thrilled as I.

I had never known I could run as fast as I did that day. I had sprinted as fast as I could. Fear motivated me to run even faster when I could hear my brother's shrieks and roars of anger behind me. I remember feeling them, sensing them catching up to me. But none of them were born to be a portal. None of them could follow where I could go.

When I jumped through the gate I created, I remember landing in sand. Later I found out that it was a dessert, just above a buried gate made by a satanic cult.

I…try not to think about that.

Almost immediately my brothers tried to chase after me. With my powers I did what I could to force them back. Their screams had filled my ears, their scratches and fire burned my skin. The pain was nothing but an annoyance compared to my fear of falling and letting them through. Whatever scars or burns I had to survive were worth it. When I used what little energy I had left to force them all back and seal the gate behind me, I knew the pain would fade. Because they were gone. The instant they were gone I fell on my back in exhaustion, gasping for air.

As my extra eyes fell away and my human face returned, I stared up at the bright blue sky for the first time in what felt like forever.

It had been cowardice that had stopped me from staying in that world. From guarding my father to make sure he never broke out and hurt anyone else. But I didn't want to stay there. I was too afraid. I'd known that, even then. I couldn't shake away the guilt of it. So I tried the next best thing.

As soon as I had enough energy, I forced myself to sit up. Using some power I summoned myself some water.

And I waited.

That was where I stayed for two nights and two days. I remember the nights being cold and the days being hot. I remember blood from my wounds had slowly dried and scars from my burns started to form scars. But I hadn't cared. What bothered me more was my lack of food and dwindling supply of water. Despite it I refused to summon anymore. I had promised myself that I would stay there and guard the entrance. I would only leave in two situations.

My brothers managed to get out and I had to stop them.

Or I died.

That had seemed fair.

It was my fault that Azareth had been destroyed. I was the one who was too scared to guard my father in person. But my life was the only key my father had towards hurting anyone else in the world my mother came from.

If I was gone, then so was the key.

It made sense, didn't it?

So I stayed, waiting. Either for a fight or for my death.

I mean, what did I have to lose?

There was only one problem that I hadn't seen coming. Apparently my arrival had caused some earthquakes of the magical kind in the nearby settlements. Of course the locals sent someone out to go investigate and help with damages.

What I didn't know was that the people they decided to send were a bit more than human.

Her name was bumblebee. I'd laughed when I found out later. It was the least threatening name anyone could ever choose for themselves. It's a good thing she hadn't introduced herself when she found me sitting in the middle of the dessert. I would have laughed right in her face. She was already suspicious of me, a random child with blood and burns sitting in the middle of nowhere wearing weird dark clothes. She wouldn't have liked me any more if I had laughed.

Then again, I did blast her with magic so I'd say she didn't end up liking me much anyway.

It wasn't my fault. I'd just wanted to be left alone and guard the gate. She kept asking me all these annoying questions. Where did I come from, where were my parents, what was I doing there and blah blah blah. When she grabbed me I simply fought back. What else was I going to do? Her attacks were good, but weak compared to mine. I could have taken her easily. There was just one problem.

I hadn't eaten in days.

That tends to have a factor in sapping ones strength.

When I woke up I was in a hospital, thought at the time I hadn't known what it was. My first thought was that I was in some kind of prison. That was my only explanation for my hands being tied to the bed. My wounds had been wrapped in cloth and I could smell the distinct sting of medications that had been slathered on my burns. I remember scoffing at it. If my strength was up, I could have healed my wounds without nary a scar to remain. The doctor hadn't been very helpful. He'd said something about Titans who had brought me to be treated and that they would be back to visit me.

One of the nurses who had treated me while I had been unconscious kept giving me sidelong glances. 'She looked like hell,' she'd whispered to her coworkers, assuming I couldn't hear her.

But I did. So I responded. 'I just got back.'

They didn't laugh.

It was a while before I got my first visitors. In the time I had waited I'd easily undone my cuffs and was meditating on the bed. The doctors had tried to redo them once or twice, but gave up when they saw I wasn't fighting them. I quickly resigned myself to the fact that fighting would just be a waste of time and energy. If I ate their food, drank their water and did what I was told, they would eventually see me as less than a threat and let me go. Then I could go back and guard the gate.

My death would take more time. But it would happen all the same.

It was Richard who first came to see me. Are you surprised? He's always been the most open when it came to young kids in trouble. Bumblebee had followed him, obviously not trusting me. I'd been careful not to smirk when I saw the bruise that had formed on her face from when I'd punched her in the fight. The glare she held with me said she hadn't forgotten.

Richard-Or Nightwing I suppose. I could tell it wasn't his real name when he told me, but decided not to mention I could sense this. Richard was much warmer and kinder than bumblebee had been. It was the first sign of warmth I'd had in months and I almost cried in relief. Considering how nice he tried to be, I really could have been nicer. I ignored all his questions, even pretended not to speak English at one point. I wanted him to think I wasn't important. Bumblebee got mad more than once, but Richard always shut her down when she started to yell. I'm not sure why he defended me so much.

Maybe, as I can sense emotions in people, he could sense that I had felt pain that a child shouldn't feel. Just as he had.

So he continued to talk to me. I eventually realized that they weren't going to let me go like I hoped. Apparently most children on earth aren't able to control the darkness with their emotions. Of course I was upset by this. Didn't they understand I had to leave? For their sake? I had to leave to save the earth that they lived in. Why couldn't they just let me leave? I didn't want to stay. I didn't want to risk it.

Because while many were afraid of my power, I sensed that some of their emotions were not the same. Richard did not fear me, he feared for my sake. The women named Kori did not worry I would hurt them, but worried that my injuries were causing me pain. It was different than anything I'd sensed in another in a lifetime. There was a selflessness behind their actions that did not match the world I had fun from but was vaguely familiar from the one I had lost before.

And I knew I couldn't sta.

I knew, from the instant I had seen the kind smile on Richards's face, that if I stayed it would have been the most dangerous act I had ever committed.

One that was so enticing, so impossible to resist.

It wasn't until after I had gotten the idea to heal all my scars and burns so there was no sign of them that I went to ask Richard again if I could leave. I tried to show him that I was fully healed and could take care of myself. That they didn't need to worry for me. That they shouldn't worry for me. That I was dangerous, that I'd done terrible things, that I didn't deserve the kindness they tried to send my way. Sometimes I still can't believe that they really worried for me. A small, dirty child who had made more mistakes and caused more pain than any of them could have imagined. I couldn't help but relish in it.

That must have been why I didn't tell them who I was. Or where I was from. Or what I'd done.

Because I was afraid if I did, they would stop caring for me. Even though I knew I shouldn't accept their compassion, I was too afraid to let it go.

I was so foolish to believe my mistakes would be enough to make them stop caring for me.

When I asked Richard if I could leave, he didn't give me an answer. Instead he had reached over and put his hand on my head. I was much shorter than him at the time, and he easily towered over me. I remember he said, 'Raven is your name, right?'

I'd nodded.

'Raven, it sounds like you have somewhere very important to be. But before you go, would you like to see our tower?'

That must have been when I started to fall into the trap. I convinced myself I wasn't falling for it. I tried to tell myself it was only temporary. That I wouldn't be seduced by the world, and the offer it held that I had always wanted to have in my life.

I must have wanted it more than I wanted to admit.

I knew about you too, by the way. You had joined your father not long after I was brought to the Titans. Richard told me about you. Well, not so much as told me as I happened to be in the room when he was talking to Kori so he decided to tell me anyway. He gave me a picture of you to check out. I wasn't as fascinated by your heritage as he seemed to be. I was more interested in the fact that you were around my age. I was the only child on Azareth, and you were the only human I had ever met who was even close to the same age as me.

Well, other than Garfield. But I wasn't sure if he was a baby or not until Richard told me he was actually older. From what I knew of baby's and how Garfield had acted, the idea still baffles me.

But you were different. The short story Richard told me about you was impossible to ignore. I was fascinated by the idea of someone who was like me. Someone who…perhaps…deep down…

Wanted the exact same thing that I was trying to avoid taking.

I tried to leave the titans. I really did. Every day I told them I couldn't stay, that I had to go, that I wasn't safe to be around. I don't think all the titans believed me. I think they thought I was just a snobby child trying to sound more important than I was. Kori and Richard may have not understood the urgency of my request either. But they always took me seriously. That was why I was surprised that they were the ones who never told me no.

They never told me no. They never tried to stop me. Instead they just said okay.

But wait.

Just stay one more day. Then you can go.

Just stay one more week. Then you can go.

It's Christmas in a few days. You can't leave before Christmas.

We're all going to the carnival that is coming next week. It's only in town for a few days. You can't leave before that.

Garfield's going on that television show for his first acting part. The show's going to be aired in a week. Why don't you stay and watch it with us?

A new member named Jaime is coming to the team in a month. Why don't you wait a while to get to know him before you go?

Along the way the changes were so subtle I didn't notice. One day my hair was to dirty so Kori helped me cut it. My clothes were getting to small so Richard took me out to get ones that were my size. I didn't know how to use a computer so speedy and Garfield taught me how one worked. When Jaime came for the first time he decided to teach me how to cook proper nachos. Slowly, in little ways, I realized that I'd made a mistake. That there were parts of them that were now mine. And I couldn't let them go.

One more day.

One more week.

One more month.

One more year.

It went that way until eventually, they stopped giving me reasons to stay. Because I stopped saying it was time for me to go.

I had been weak. I had been a fool. I had stayed for too long. I had been a coward. I had been too afraid of the idea of not letting them in, of not getting what I truly wanted. I had let these humans take up my time little by little until it was too late. Until the one thing that I had been most afraid of came to light and there was nothing I could do about it. I had been given the one thing I had always wanted.

I realized I had fallen in love with the family I had found. And that I was terrified to die."

Damian didn't say anything for a while. He stared at Raven, eyes wide and mouth firmly shut. She could tell he had been paying attention thanks to the way his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. Raven wasn't sure what his reaction was. Even though she was an empath and was supposed to be able to read emotions of others, she could only tell that he was silently contemplating her story. It was maddening sometimes. They were supposed to have a bond after she had healed him, but often she found him the hardest to read of them all.

Around them the dessert wind blew softly, ruffling their hair. The portal that had been unearthed by superman was finally returned to its resting place in the earth, and Damian and Raven were the last who remained to be sure it was over. Raven had wanted to come back to the place she had come as a child. The place she had waited for either death or destruction, but in the end got neither. Damian had followed. He always followed lately, trying to get as much information on others as he could. Raven wasn't sure why she let him. She wasn't sure why she told him her story. Perhaps it was because she thought he would be the only one to listen. The one who would understand.

Or maybe she knew that he was the one who, despite the darkness inside of her, would not turn her away.

"…And then you met me," he concluded.

Raven gave a small nod of her head. "Yes. Then I met you." Damian. The only one she felt could truly understand her story. Maybe that was why he was the first one she told it to. She doubted he would ever be as honest with her. She didn't think he would tell her his story as she had told him hers. But she didn't need it. She could sense within him that the two of them were similar.

That the bond they shared would never fade.

"…And now?"

She hesitated. "And now what?"

"And now we defeated Trigon. You no longer have to worry about him coming to earth. You don't have to guard a gate for your brother's return. You have what you've always wanted." He waved towards the Titans communicator on her belt. Inwardly, Raven smiled. She knew Damian would understand what she always wanted, without her saying it. Because she knew he wanted it to.

"I get to stay. I suppose I get to…live."

Damian smirked. "Good."

"…I don't know what to do with the rest of my life," Raven admitted to him, against her better judgment. "I never thought I would live longer than my 14th birthday. But here I am. I always planned my life by the day or the year. I never even dared to dream I would have a future. Now I have years ahead of me." She turned to Damian, a desperate panic in her eyes as she realized the potential of the life in front of her. "What do I do with the rest of my life?"

Damian didn't answer right away. He wasn't sure how to. He'd never been the best at giving others comfort or advice. There was a reason he and his father were heroes who specialized in fighting in the dark. Damian always had a plan for his life, whether it was his or someone else's. First it was his grandfather's plan. Then it was his fathers. Then it was Talons. Finally, it was his turn to decide his life. And he was just as lost as she was.

So until he could decide, he would wait.

"…Let's start by going to the movie with the Titans next week."

The smile that spread across Raven's face looked as though she was smiling for the first time. "Alright."

When Raven started to open the portal, Damian looked back to where Raven had once waited. He saw a ten year old Raven sitting in the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. Her small cape was crisped at the ends, her short hair was in dirty tangles and had been marred by fire. Blood soaked the top of her right shoulder and was painted along her arms and legs. She sat on the sand patiently waiting, staring off into the distance as she waited.

Then, when Damian blinked, he saw a younger version of himself sitting next to her.

It was from when he was ten, before he had met his father. He wore the armour of an assassin, with his red cape to symbolise his position spread out on the ground behind him. His hair was cut short and his face was free of any mask to allow his emerald eyes to stare the same direction the younger raven stared. He sat cross-legged next to the girl only a few months older than him. Next to her he sat impatiently, waiting as he stared in the distance.

"Damian?" the real Damian turned to see Raven had pulled up the portal and was waiting expectantly. "Are you coming?"

"Tt. Of course." With a quick glance backwards he followed Raven through the portal and back to their home.

Back in the dessert the two memory of the two children remained. The two of them looked at each other and allowed their eyes to linger on the other for just a moment. The two took the opportunity to read the story in the other's eyes. When they were done and satisfied, the two gave each other a simple nod before turning and staring back into the distance.

And there they waited.

Until they were found.


End file.
